If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
