dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
