I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sext me about skeletons
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
