I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
