my mouth tastes like poor choices
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
