I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
