apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Acid is not a monday night drug
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
