dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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