if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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