im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
