She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
