All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
