You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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