You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can text with my tongue
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
