I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
