We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You made out with two different species that night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize