so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
