wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize