I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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