I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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