I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize