I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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