I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
In other news, I just burned my penis
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
