I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize