Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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