just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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