i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
