i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
