I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
