The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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