like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
