you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
