the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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