I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
