took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
