I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
