As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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