This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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