You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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