She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You can't just leave with hair like that
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
