Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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