how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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