Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
