but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
