I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If I die, sorry about rent.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
