i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
