so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
