can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
