let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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