Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
