I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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