This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
