so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
