The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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