HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize