i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
