yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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