Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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