I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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