you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
