...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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