Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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