508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
