Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
