how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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