Jerry, you need to find god
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
