can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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