if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
