moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
