Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
