I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
