It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
