my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
