I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize