I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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