With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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