Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
